urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317 lazyangel1317 lazyangel1317 2008-10-31T13:37:18Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:67791 2008-10-31T13:37:18Z 2008-10-31T13:37:18Z I've noticed over the last couple of days that I've seen political ads on tv skyrocket (duh, election is a few days away). Now I don't particularly like Obama or McCain, I just moderately dislike McCain and hate Sarah Palin with a passion (Which newspapers do you read? Oh, all of them.)<br /><br />And I've heard so many people criticize the media for pitting Obama vs. Palin instead of McCain. But let's face it, McCain won't be around forever. And even if he is, like even if I could vote for McCain and be 100% sure that he'd live to see the next 4 years, that doesn't stop me from being scared shitless of letting Palin anywhere near a position of national leadership. Those poor Alaskans.<br /><br />What worries me is this. I think the competition between McCain and Obama is legitimate. Yes, I know, I'm a bad feminist and liberal if I even consider McCain for a second. But seriously, the points they bring up about each other (annoying as they are), seem legit on both sides to me. And I'm afraid this surge of anti-Obamaism due to lack of experience that I see in the media (ok you caught me, I watched Fox news last night) is working. What if in watching all these Obama doesn't have enough experience, McCain is the man (or was it...maverick?) advertisements, people forget who is really inexperienced (beauty queen Miss Alaska).<br /><br />Ugh, politics. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:67530 2008-10-26T23:02:15Z 2008-10-26T23:02:15Z well being on duty last night ruined my life today. i wish there was a sleep day. sunday monday tuesday wednesday sleepday thursday friday saturday.<br /><br />yes, i like that. or maybe the sleepday should come before friday, so i can sleep for a day to recover from the week before starting my weekend. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:67228 2008-10-18T05:24:51Z 2008-10-18T05:24:51Z so i'm home for the night and do you know what is mean? leaving halloween decorations in a dark house and then spending the night on the boat only for your eldest daughter to come home unaware of the decorations and freak out in the dark alone. yay.<br /><br />im retaking the stupid GRE on sunday, but i am much calmer than last time which i think will make a difference.<br /><br />i saw sara tonight and we went to hang out with some people from high school which was alot of fun. and i played poker (don't worry, for those of you who were there during my poker addiction, not for money) which was fun and i am still pretty good at, if i may say so myself... i don't think i have many friends interested in playing poker, i should work on that.<br /><br />also, i've decided i need to start writing again and i would actually like to accomplish some decent writing in my lifetime. i want to write about people and i'm not exactly sure why/how but i think i need to become a creepy person who people watches in parks or something. maybe i'll get some ideas. for some reason i though i had some more interesting stuff to say about that but i just realized im too tired. sleep it is. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:67059 2008-08-30T06:28:10Z 2008-08-30T06:28:10Z howwww can so much of my identity be CSS (desk supervisor, if you're not familiar with the lingo). im not even a CSS anymore!<br /><br />don't get me wrong, i don't hate my new job in courtyards. i love my apartment and so far am pretty neutral to the job - it's hard to be anything about it really, i've barely met any of my residents and i think it'll be so different when school starts.<br /><br />mayybe i'm a control freak. well we know im a control freak. but i don't even think that's why i miss the desk. maybe i'm just lonely and like knowing that i have a staff member at a 24 hour desk three floors below me and i can always go see what's going on down there (how many times did i get up in the middle of the night to hang out at the desk? probably never). i think there's just some sort of security in that type of staff for me. <br /><br />i am soo ready to be out of the dorms, and glad to be in my apartment. but sometimes it just feels so empty. i'm so busy most of the time but on the rare occasion that i'm not....i guess i don't handle having nothing to do very well.<br /><br />it m akes me wonder how i'm going to handle it one day when i don't have a job where i work - because one day i would like to have that distance between work and home. but when i live where i work i have this fallback where there's always people around and i'm never really alone (that's much less true in the apartment than the dorm...i think that's why im freaking out). but i really don't wanna live where i work forever, in fact, i'd like to not do that at all after grad school. but so much of my college life has been that way and i know i can come across as a workaholic, which...i am. will i really be able to handle coming home from work, eating dinner, then being....at HOME and alone? <br /><br />i sound really pathetic. so while im at it, if anyone is trying to set me up with someone....? haha. for those of you who aren't keeping track, i don't care if i date men or women. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:66586 2008-08-04T06:15:25Z 2008-08-04T06:15:25Z people can be really self involved. i know i am people - not trying to exempt myself from that. just my observation of the day. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:66363 2008-07-29T15:45:16Z 2008-07-29T15:45:16Z I hate all these monopolies on testing services. It cost me $150 to register for the stupid GRE's and all the practice books are like well we use this word instead of this word on our practice tests because ETS refuses to allow its testing tools to be duplicated. This is bullshit. For $150 I should be able to duplicate their mom if I feel like it.<br /><br />Same bullshit with the SATs and the AP tests and it's pissing me off again. It's not like I can go with some other company to take them. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:66152 2008-07-06T05:56:25Z 2008-07-06T05:56:25Z compassion is a good thing.<br /><br /><br />at least i think. so there's this homeless lady that comes into the community center (where i work at the desk in my apt complex in leonardtown) and goes to sleep at a table in the multipurpose room. she's in like...her 40s and clearly doesn't belong here (although i honestly used to think she was a student but then realized she did this basically EVERY night and was always wearing the same clothes).<br /><br />our supervisor spoke with her one night and told her she couldn't be here if she wasn't an ltown resident, and he told us to call the campus police if she returned.<br /><br />tonight around midnight, right as my shift started, she knocked on the door and i buzzed her in. because like...what else am i gonna do, let her stare at me from outside the door? (yes that's probably what i should do). and i called the campus police and told them and they came and escorted her out and i just felt terrible. she gave me this really sad look as she walked out. and i honestly wouldn't have called the police on her except the person who was working before me was still here and pressured me into it, and to be fair, we were given that explicit instruction. i just don't feel threatened by her at all and i feel bad for her.<br /><br /><br />and of course the police are saying that she should be medicated and isn't stable and even if she doesn't feel threatening you never know when something could happen blah blah blah. and they might be right i guess.<br /><br />i've talked about the situation with some co-workers and basically keep getting told i need to be more assertive. but i don't understand why assertiveness and compassion have to be mutually exclusive.<br /><br />homelessness is such a problem in this county, and sure it isn't really my cause and i've done nothing about it and am not comfortable with it either (who enjoys being asked for money on the street?). but this is complicated right? like... i know i can't be the only one who thinks it's complicated and who doesn't really want to be the one to address it but also doesn't want to lose all of my compassion.<br /><br />maybe it's wasted compassion if i'm not doing anything about it. i mean i have no idea how i would help her. i just don't like being judged for feeling bad for her. i hate how our society values money and assertiveness and individualism but we forget about compassion and community. not to say the first three values are always bad but don't we need a little balance? i don't really want to live in a world where i'm afraid to have compassion for someone. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:65866 2008-05-20T14:14:48Z 2008-05-20T14:14:48Z don't you hate it when teachers rave about how awesome you did on something, when you know you didn't do your best because you don't care anymore? I feel like a dirty suck up.<br /><br />oh well :)<br /><br /><br />i am "soft" closing the desk on wednesday night and "hard" closing it on saturday. hehe i like how it sounds kinda dirty. i am hoping that after my miserable final tomorrow morning at 8am and working at the desk alllll day trying to get hundreds of people out of my building that i will still have the time/energy to go out. i wanna drink with all the people who are graduating and leaving me.<br /><br /><br />and saturday evening i get to move back into ltown (yay!) which is closer to the bars and i will be able to survive because i will no longer eat diner food EVER again. i hope my summer roommates are cool, but i have a feeling none of them except carolyn are (we are living together in an apartment with 5 other people). at least i have my own space to stumble back into drunk and hopefully at some point study for the dumbass GREs which i am taking june 30th. i am feeling slightly better about the GREs because a really smart friend of mine that got into a really good grad program said she didn't even break 1000 on it. which is good...because...i didn't either when i took the practice test. and stupid KAPLAN keeps reminding me of it because they advertise at the bar, which is just cruel...who wants to think about the GREs when out drinking? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:65711 2008-05-09T14:06:11Z 2008-05-09T14:07:06Z today is my last day at my internship...yay...not that i haven't liked it but i am soo tired/burnt out...this needs to come to an end.<br /><br />i cannot WAIT until this semester is over. i'm really going to miss my staff a TON but other than that i really have no use for the spring anymore. where is summer?<br /><br />am going out to dinner with my CAs tonight...not all of them can make it but i'm still so excited :) they're so cute. last night one of my CAs who is going to be a CSS next year was all excited because she had done her first interview. it's time to pass the torch i guess... i really will miss being in charge though :) <br /><br />i've accomplished NONE of my goals for things to do before i leave la plata (e.g. have sex behind the desk, in the rec room, etc.). but i've decided there are bigger goals in life...unless...anyone else is trying to get laid?<br /><br />:-D urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:65461 2008-05-07T18:18:18Z 2008-05-07T18:18:18Z I feel like I responded surprisingly well last summer when my car died and I had no money to fix it. I donated it without a complaint, in fact I actually felt relieved. Because I live on a college campus, and have access to buses and the metro and friends, I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. And I really was comfortable and even liked public transportation...until today...<br /><br />I have never been so scared in my life. This guy got on the metro as I was heading to work today, sat down behind me, and as soon as the train started moving, started screaming at the top of his lungs that the government tortured him, and how could all of us "fucking assholes work for a corrupt government that needs to be VIOLENTLY OVERTHROWN." <br /><br />The train stopped at Fort Totten, and I contemplated getting off and waiting for the next train, but let's face it there is just as much potential for frightening experiences at Fort Totten. Plus I was afraid that if I moved he was going to chase after me and kill me (okay perhaps not the most rational thought, but it was really scary)!<br /><br />Then as we left Fort Totten, he started yelling again that the government was horrible for making him live with "that BITCH" and how could it torture it's own people, and he's tired of being tortured. Then some more stuff about how we all were horrible fucking assholes for working for the government and we should all be violently overthrown (this time he actually said YOU need to be violently overthrown, not just "the government"). So I got off at the next stop.<br /><br />And as I got off, this other girl got off too and was like "sooo are you waiting for the next train" and I was like "Uh yea that's the plan." So we waited together.<br /><br />Seriously, I've never been so scared in my life. But he was yelling SO loudly and violently. And honestly, if he wants to recruit people to his cause, screaming at strangers on the metro that we need to violently overthrow the government is probably not the way to do it. He would've had a much better chance at recruiting me if he had just sat down and striked up a conversation about how much the government sucks (I mean I would've agreed with that part). I really thought as I got off that I was going to watch the train erupt into flames as he blew it up.<br /><br />Fortunately, that didn't happen. At least not while I was in sight. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:65227 2008-05-05T21:56:39Z 2008-05-05T21:56:39Z my laptop healed itself!<br /><br />and i know it probably sounds crazy but it's true! it was shutting off after like 5 minutes of being on and giving me this horrible blue screen with this horribly long error message and i googled and read about on all these different forums that all told me it meant my hard drive was crashing. this happened like 3 times and i was trying (during the short window in which my computer was still on) to do system restores and virus scans, etc. despite the fact that i knew it wouldn't work and from reading geeky tech stuff, prepared myself to do some hard-drive shopping.<br /><br />and then a miraculous thing happened. i turned on my computer and put in my flash drive, to see if i could get off my most important files before my hard drive crashed. and it never turned itself off! i have used it for hours since then (yes i backed up everything still) but...it's healed! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:64920 2008-05-03T01:33:21Z 2008-05-03T01:33:21Z so i sent my mom the online link to a letter to the editor i wrote that was printed in the diamondback. <br /><br /><a href="http://media.www.diamondbackonline.com/media/storage/paper873/news/2008/05/01/Opinion/Letters.To.The.Editor-3359242.shtml">http://media.www.diamondbackonline.com/media/storage/paper873/news/2008/05/01/Opinion/Letters.To.The.Editor-3359242.shtml</a><br /><br />and today she told me that she read it and it made alot of sense. this coming from a woman who, a few months ago, told me that women were already equal to (but different from) men and that we should be happy the way things are.<br /><br />that's like the first time...ever...that my mom has acknowledged that i have any basis for my opinions. i know it's silly.... but we all want our parents approval right?<br /><br />it makes me really happy :) and restores a little of my faith in humanity that i lost earlier today...(longer story). urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:64611 2008-04-30T00:24:35Z 2008-04-30T00:24:35Z so yesterday, i got asked to dance in a convenience store. i'm really only comfortable dancing slightly under the influence, so i said no. plus, it was really weird.<br /><br />and today i took a nap on a couch in a bathroom. so i guess i'm weird too. <br /><br />also, my littlest sister (jordan) fell today and cut her forehead open and had to get 3 stitches. i am told that she is treating it like a battle scar and is pretty proud.<br /><br /><br />that is all. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:64321 2008-04-29T01:40:43Z 2008-04-29T01:40:43Z i so can't wait for this semester to end.<br /><br />i've fallen behind on everything. and the thing is, i don't even care. i'm just half assing everything lol. this is pretty bad...if this is senioritis...what is "super" senioritis going to be like next year?<br /><br />anyways i am going to be working as CA this summer. yay for demoting myself. at least it will be easy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:64130 2008-04-09T17:52:01Z 2008-04-09T17:52:01Z i found out today that i did not get into a peer sexual health education program that i applied for. what kind of crap is this? i always get into things i apply for!<br /><br />*sigh. maybe i needed them to take down my ego a notch...haha. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:63943 2008-04-07T01:38:51Z 2008-04-07T01:38:51Z ran my cell through the washer yesterday. oops. i shall let you know when i am reachable again by cell... *sigh. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:63708 2008-04-04T16:33:03Z 2008-04-04T16:33:03Z i went to the gym last night! (yes, it's an accomplishment every time). i was doing the rowing machine and the resistance was at about 4 or 5, and this asshole comes by, pushes it down to 1 (while I am using the machine) and goes "You should try it here, it's less weight." And I go "Yea, I know but actually I was fine where I was. THANKS." And made him change it back.<br /><br />What a douchebag. The last thing I need is people discouraging me at the gym haha. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:63265 2008-04-03T04:16:23Z 2008-04-03T04:16:23Z so when i was at the desk preparing for my staff meeting, three or four of my CAs were talking about a shift that someone slept through and whoever else ended up covering for it. and if people miss a shift, they technically should be on probation - and it's really annoying to whoever is working because they can't leave.<br /><br />so i asked them what they were talking about it - who missed a shift? and they wouldn't tell me. which in a weird way i thought was really cute...protecting their team members. ugh it slightly made me not wanna be a supervisor anymore.... being the authority figure is hard for me....i hate authority. so now i don't know if i'm a bad supervisor for dropping it (i mean, i hate putting people on probation but i have to be equitable in punishments) but i've decided not to care because i think it's nice that they care about each other lol.<br /><br />in other news....i registered for classes yesterday, including 1 crim class (ew). i guess maybe i am finishing the major? for some reason when i was actually registering for classes i couldn't bring myself to NOT register for a crim class and acknowledge that i wasn't finishing the major.<br /><br />i'm thinking about writing a thing in the Diamondback about my advising experiences....just to make the crim advisors feel bad though. i'm kinda annoyed that i've been blown off in walk in advising hours, and ignored in my 2 emails. *sigh. I wish university officials instructed us in how to have power as students to get student support staff to DO their freaking jobs. i can't wait til i'm in charge of the university. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:63094 2008-04-02T02:37:14Z 2008-04-02T02:37:58Z so i came home today and my dry erase board - with my Queer the Turtle sticker on it - was laying on the floor in front of my door. And my Safe Person Safe Place logo that was hanging on my door is completely gone.<br /><br />it was lovely. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:62948 2008-04-01T15:25:31Z 2008-04-01T15:26:32Z last night i woke up to a knock on my door at 430 in the morning. at first i ignored it (my bed is lofted...like im gonna get down for nothing?) thinking it was just some drunk asshole. then it happened twice more and i started to feel guilty, thinking that it was an emergency and maybe someone actually needed me.<br /><br />i opened the door to see this wasted girl, who pushed her way past me and took her shoes off at my closet. at which point i told her....honey, you don't live here? do you know what your room number is? she shook her head no and i asked her if she had any stuff with her, like a phone and keys, and she shook her head no again.<br /><br />so i figured i guess i better get her to a place where she can sit down/pass out that is NOT my room while i have the desk look her up and figure out what to do with her. she walked in front of me and closed my bedroom door and started looking at herself in the mirror behind the door. i asked her what her name was and she couldn't tell me.<br /><br />so i grabbed her hand (and shoes) and opened the door and told her i was going to help her find out where she lived. and she said ok. then as soon as i got her out in the hall she turned back again and walked towards my futon. so i grabbed her again and finally got her out into the hallway, where i found her purse and keys and phone laying on the floor. i put everything back into her purse and asked her what her name was again while i looked through it to find her ID. i finally figured out where she lived by looking at the names on doors once i found her ID....and unlocked her door for her. i kept asking if she was sure she'd be okay, if she needed to get sick, if i should get her water, etc...but she walked immediately over to a bed (i presume hers, but who knows?) and passed out.<br /><br />so i threw all her stuff in the door and shut it and went back to my room, where i couldn't fall back asleep because i felt guilty for not calling an RA/911 because she clearly WASN'T okay and probably needed to get her stomach pumped. i hope she survived...<br /><br />that was...absurd. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:62568 2008-03-28T14:57:27Z 2008-03-28T14:57:39Z so friends, i've changed my plans yet again, and now plan to pursue a Master's in Education Counseling and Personnel Services.<br /><br />which means i'll be working with college students as a profession. i like college students. and that way, i can be like one of those high school teachers who perpetually lives in high school vicariously through students... only i'll do it with college students.<br /><br />until i change my mind again next week and pursue something different...<br /><br /><br />in other news...plan is to get my tattoo done tonight. i'm nervous. but excited. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:62299 2008-03-25T16:09:58Z 2008-03-25T16:09:58Z i would like to thank reslife for driving me so out of my mind that i'm too burnt out for grad school, even though i was really excited about it.<br /><br />i really have no patience for being treated like an undergraduate student. i know that i am one, but seriously, if you're gonna continue to push me into working more and more hours and disregard my other (including academic) commitments, then at least pretend like you respect me...<br /><br />i'm having lunch with one of my old CAs today, which i am excited about. she transferred to Shady Grove so i never see her anymore, and perhaps it will remind me that i like working in reslife for the students if nothing else :)<br /><br />new life plan: graduate, move to LA, get some job in a University so that i can get tuition remission to take one or two classes to keep my brain smart, work for 2 years, then go to grad school if i haven't fried too many of my brain cells by laying out on the beach.<br /><br />also, if anyone plans to make so much money that they don't know what to do with it, and is looking for a companion to take care of financially, i do put out... i am not opposed to sex work (see my Be Nice to Sex Workers tee shirt) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:62203 2008-03-25T03:19:53Z 2008-03-25T03:19:53Z i appreciate everyone's rational thoughts on why i SHOULD finish my crim degree. you all make alot of sense. there's no point in abandoning it after i've wasted so much time on it.<br /><br /><br /><br />that being said, i'm throwing that sensibility out the window because i hate crim the subject almost as much as i hate the crim advisors. goodbye second degree...<br /><br /><br /><br />:) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:61874 2008-03-24T17:30:59Z 2008-03-24T17:30:59Z i thought i was good at writing, but that apparently is not the case.<br /><br /><br />could someone please find something for me to be good at/ do with my life?<br /><br /><br />thanks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lazyangel1317:61575 2008-03-22T18:39:22Z 2008-03-22T18:39:22Z sooo not ready for break to end. not that i'm even doing anything crazily exciting, but it has been so nice to sleep in, not do hw, etc.<br /><br />amanda and i went and played pool, which i suck at, rented Enchanted and Ratatouille, I watched the L Word online while on the clock at the career center, drank a bottle of White Merlot (yummy) with Carolyn. all this stuff is so much nicer than work, class, internship. over and over again. <br /><br />im picking up Andres from the airport tomorrow (yay, I miss him) but he has told me that he's moving to LA after he graduates (boo). i'm really jealous of the fact that everyone went cool places for break. i want to travel.<br /><br />also, this entry is really boring, and yet i keep writing because i don't feel like studying for my midterm. lucky you.